May 14, 2020

Setting myself on fire

Uncertainty gives rise to anxiety, both intensify depending on how much time we spend dwelling in the future imagining, most likely, all of the things that could go wrong. The body, of course, responds as if those bad things are happening now, in the present.

I’m infamous, amongst my friends, for setting myself on fire. I do it when I get tired of the status quo.

Like now.

I’m tired of the same old hogwash and bullshit that i find across the “popular” web spaces. Or maybe it’s just an indication that i spend too much time surfing the ‘Net. In my defence, I do it in the hopes of finding something new and interesting, in fact, it doesn’t even have to be new, interesting will do.

But for every interesting thing i find on my travels through cyberspace, i’m bombarded with a 100 pieces of dribble (of course, this essay might be dribble too, depending on your point of view).

Oh how I hate to whine, but such is the times we live in at the moment, my friend. we are cursed.

You know the old Chinese saying, “may you live in interesting times.” The COVID-19 has made things interesting alright. Our leadership in the US and UK have made the times interesting too. The economy is no joke though and it’s about to make things even more interesting, if not desperate.

Since we’re all having to re-invent ourselves to fit into the new normal, I thought now might be a good time to set myself on fire again and see what rises from the ashes. Will I be the Phoenix? Or will I be burnt toast?

I guess the better question is who do I want to be when the ashes settle? I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to cling to the familiar and dress it up in new clothes.

Thoreau moved to Walden to challenge himself “to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life…” so that when it came time for him to die, he wouldn’t discover that he had not lived at all.

I am imagining Thoreau challenging me now to do the same. To use this time of lockdown, social distancing, and isolation to live more deliberately.

Challenge accepted!