It was a day of being everybody’s Yoda. Â A role of which I am ok with, but by the end of it, I’m mentally drained. Â Normally I’d pop on some tunes and veg out, but I have lots to do in a short period of time.
How do you know how you feel?
e.e. cummings wrote that “a poet is somebody who feels, and who expresses his feelings through words.” Â The trouble is this isn’t as easy as it sounds. Â I mean I am human right? Feeling is just something that happens automatically. But is it really? As e.e. cummings goes on to say:
“A lot of people think or believe or know they feel – but that’s thinking or believing or knowing; not feeling. Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught how to feel. Â Why? Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people: but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself.”
I often question whether or not I feel. Â I have a lot of empathy towards others, so I’m not a Mister Spock or anything, but sometimes deep feelings escape me or I’ve forgotten how to feel. Â This isn’t coming out on paper like it sounds in my head. Sometimes I look inside to see how I feel and see nothing but the void.
Maybe that’s my problem right there – I “look” to “see” my feelings instead of feeling my feelings. Â So back to my original question, how do you know how to feel? Can trust that what you feel is really what you feel? Â Or just a response to how you have been conditioned to feel.
e.e. cummings again:
“To be nobody but yourself – in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”
What feelings do I feel the most?
Supposedly the typical male only has three emotions on his dial – mad, glad, bad. Â Everything else is a variation in degree for each of these. Â Most of the time I’m just happy. Â I do have periods of extreme melancholy. Â And on very rare occasions, I get mad. Â And some times, I have this crazy feeling of love for everybody and everything – I know that sounds very hippie, but its true, in those times, I feel immense love for everybody.
I’m able to suppress my emotions completely, which I guess must mean I have some Vulcan blood in me.
That said, I want to feel more. It’s on my list of things to do to make me a better human being.
Soundtrack:
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Totally loved this, completely understand what you’re saying. ??