i don’t know what to make of the credit crunch, the recession, the collapse of the banks and our monetary system.

the system that was never real in the first place appears to be on the verge of collapse if it hasn’t already collapsed and we are just waiting for the aftershock.  at what point did the ordinary roman citizen realize the empire had collapsed?  what do you do, close your eyes, cover your ears, shut your mouth and pretend it’s not happening? do you panic, stockpile food, weapons, ammunition, and start preparing for the apocalypse?  do you trust that your government is full of people smarter than you and that they will know what to do to save us all?  or do we break out the r.e.m and prince and sing along to the words:

Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its
own needs, listen to your heart bleed. Tell me with the rapture and the
reverent in the right – right. You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright
light, feeling pretty psyched.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

or

When I woke up this mornin’
Coulda sworn it was judgment day
The sky was all purple,
there were people runnin’ everywhere
Tryin’ 2 run from the destruction,
U know I didn’t even care

‘Cuz they say two thousand zero zero party over,
oops out of time
So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999

Civilization is only good for the very weak and the very clever; the strong lose their natural Darwinistic advantage.  The weak can get a way with shit they would never pull if they didn’t have the law to protect them, like the counter clerk who gives you attitude because they are having a bad day.  Perhaps they would think twice before mouthing off if they knew there was nothing stopping the now irritated customer from reaching across the counter and ripping their eye out of the socket.  The clever are clever because they put the whole system in place to protect their asses against the savages amongst us who would go around looting and pillaging and having their way with the weak and the clever.  If you are not weak or clever, you are one of the masses doing time with shackles on your feet that you cannot see.  What’s even better than being clever is being strong and clever; then you rule!

The treacherous fucking snakes
will sell you out in a heartbeat
although you might not be watching
them, they sure as fuck are watching
you, waiting for an opportunity to bite
your heel and watch you fall and
wriggle in the dirt crutching your
heart and yelling, “Et tu Brute?”

Driving down the motorway at 5.30 in the morning, I can’t help but think we are little more than sophisticated ants.  The central government plays the role of the queen ant.  We play the role of the workers, warriors, and consorts.  No one asks if you want to belong to the system.  You are born into it, and you either learn and accept the rules or you perish.  It is as simple as that.  Of course they dress it up, give it some clothes, and tell you that you have choices and that you’re opinion matters, but the reality is you don’t and it doesn’t.  Get in line and do your part for the system like everybody else.

You can’t trust people.  They will only let you down.  The things you say are taken out of context and used against you.  They will cut you deep with your own words and stand and watch you bleed.  I will keep my words shallow with no depth and no meaning beyond civility.  Was it malice or insecurity that lead to her betrayal?

I am sitting in a greasy roadside diner.  The smell of cooked fat sits heavy in the air.  I know that when I leave here, the smell of grease will have crept into every fiber of my clothes.  People will think that I work in a kitchen. I try to convince myself that sitting close to the door might help keep the smell off of me.  But I doubt it will really. If food is hot topic for men, sex is an even bigger topic.  There is a piece of research out that suggests that the biggest regret in life men have is not having had enough sex.  They did a survey of old men who statistically didn’t have a lot of time left.  70% of the old men surveyed said that they regret not having had more sex.  They said they didn’t want more kids, mind you, just more sex.

She was the ugly one.  The guys never wanted the ugly one.

She sat and watched her beautiful blond-haired blue-eyed bombshell of a friend garner all the boys’ attention.  They had no idea what they were missing, leaving her to sit and stir her vodka lime and soda on her own.  Books aren’t the only things that shouldn’t be judged by their cover.

She wished at least one of the boys would like her.  She would do all those nasty things most boys only fantasized about in lad mags.  She would let them shave her bare and paint her tits blue.  She would even let them watch Blondie over there go down on her.  That’s right, she knew Blondie’s secret and they didn’t.  With Blondie, they had no chance, but with her, they could have everything.

But she was the ugly one and the ugly one never gets any attention.

views from my hotel:

I some times I get disoriented from all the traveling up and down the country I do.  Especially when I work with multiple clients on projects that require different skill sets.  Because I submerge myself into my work roles completely, when I have a quiet moment and nobody is around that I can orient myself on, I sometimes have a momentary lapse of reason and forget where I am and what I am doing.  I had one of those moments yesterday on the way to get a coffee, and I had one this morning when my alarm went off at 4a.m. in my hotel room.  Because the room was very dark and my head was clouded with sleep, I couldn’t remember where I was.  I had to work hard to try to remember the day of the week and who I am working for today.  At first I got it wrong.  I imagined it was Thursday and I was somewhere else.  It took a few moments for clarity to return.